Friday night I was home, and I was okay with that. I sat there feeling as though I should be upset or unhappy that everyone else was probably having a blast, but I wasn’t upset at all. I was more thankful I didn’t have to turn anyone down to go out. This made me think back to a few years ago and how I had a totally different perspective back then.
If it was 7pm on a Friday night a few years ago and I didn’t have plans I would have been devastated, wondering why I didn’t have any friends and thinking about what a loser I was. It didn’t matter whether or not I actually wanted to go out. There were some nights I wanted to do nothing but sit at home and watch a movie, but I was always worried about missing out and all my friends having so much fun without me.
This is where that feeling of Earthly peace would come in. I was so overwhelmed with feeling like a dork because that’s what the world told me I would be if I stayed home one night. My feelings were all based on what other people would think and how I would be viewed. I felt a sense of peace as soon as that first text would come in with plans for the evening and I would rush to say yes, even if I wanted to do nothing but stay at home or if I didn’t really like what I was about to go do. It was all about making sure I wasn’t missing out. Half the time I wouldn’t even have that much fun and just be counting down until it was acceptable for me to head home. I didn’t feel true peace, what I felt was this “peaceful” sense of living up to the standards of the world.
Last night at around 7pm I was thinking to myself, “Hmm, I’m 21 I should be wanting to go down town, but I don’t, I would rather be at home spending time with my parents.” I only have three weeks left of summer, so why would it be a bad thing to spend time with the people that I love the most. I had no anxiety of worrying about how people would view me. I think this has come with knowing my priorities and learning how much I am loved by God.
Before knowing this love I was always trying to fill a feeling of emptiness with the acceptance of the world. Life is so much simpler and peaceful knowing that I don’t have to live up to the standards of the world, because lets be honest, most of them aren’t good standards anyways.