Thursday, February 12, 2015

When everything is going wrong, and Jesus seems to be sleeping

Humble Confidence – taken from: I Believe in Love; Reflections on St. Therese

What does Jesus lament most when He is with His Apostles? Their lack of confidence.  “Men of little faith!” This is the main reproach He makes to them.  He does not say to them, “Men of no character, men without energy, without discipline.” No He says, “Men of little faith!”

 Jesus was crossing the lake of Tiberias in a boat with His disciples.  He was asleep in the stern.  A great windstorm blew up, and the waves poured into the boat so that it was already filled.  Seized with anguish, the disciples awakened Jesus: “Lord, save us; we are perishing!” And rising up, He reprimands the winds and says to the sea, “Peace! Be Still! And the wind abated and there was a great calm.” Then, turning to His Apostles, He asks, “Where is your faith?” I can hear Jesus scolding them with gentleness, but with pain too: “Why is this? I was in the boat with you- I slept, but I was there – and you were afraid; you were terrified. You doubted either my omnipotence or my love.  Do you not know after all who I am, and do you not know after all with what tenderness my Heart watches over you continually?” It is truly such doubt that pains and offends Him most. 

But you see, we have lost so completely the notion of the entire confidence that HE expects of us, that we sometimes make a prayer of the words for which He reproached His Apostles: “Lord, save us; we are perishing!”

This is not how we should pray, but rather, “With You, Jesus, I cannot perish; You are always in the boat with me; what have I to fear?  You may sleep, I shall not awaken You. My poor nature will tremble, oh yes! But with all my will I shall remain in peace in the midst of the storm, confident in You.”

In hours of anguish, think of the Divine Master calming the violent storms with one word.  This will be a tremendous source of comfort for you as you wait – peacefully- for Him to waken. 

The great tempest is what our sins stir up in our souls.  It is there that Jesus must arise in order that “a great calm may descend.”

Listen to what little Therese has to say in the fable about the weak little bird who, not having wings strong enough  to soar in the heights, at least has eyes and a heart to gaze at the Sun of Love: “With bold abandonment, he remains gazing at his Divine Sun.  Nothing can frighten him, either wind nor rain; and if dark clouds come to hide the Star of Love, the weak little bird will not move away, for he knows that on the other side of the clouds his Sun continues always to shine.” 

“I am not always faithful, but I never get discouraged.  I abandon myself into the arms of Jesus, and there I find again all that I have lost and much more besides."

Since He has granted it to be to understand the love of the Heart of Jesus, I confess that He has chased all fear out of my heart.  The memory of my faults humiliates me, leads me never to rely on my own strength, which is nothing but weakness; but even more this memory speaks to me of mercy and love.  When we throw our faults, with a completely filial confidence, into the devouring furnace of love, how could they not be totally consumed?” 

May these words remind us, that even when everything seems to be going terribly wrong, Jesus is there, whether we feel Him or not, He will be there to take care of us and make sure we make it through the storm alive.  


Wednesday, November 5, 2014

How Do I Know God Exists?


After school yesterday I was meeting with a high school student and she was really stumping me with some questions.

"What moment in your life did you know God really exists?"
"How do I prove God exists to someone who doesn't believe in love?"
"What can I do to trust God more?"

I wanted to say I had all the right answers, that I could spit out logical and factual reasons for the existence of God and that with one sentence I could convince anyone to believe in Him.  But that just didn't seem to be the case as I stumbled around my words.  What I ended up realizing is that I don't have that answer, because if there was one thing that we could say to convince someone in the existence of God, then that would defeat the purpose of Faith.  Faith - belief that is not based on proof.  I believe in God because I know He has changed my life.  I know that as I have come to know Him more and invite Him into my life, I have never experienced such great joy and peace.  It doesn't mean that I don't face problems, but now I realize I do not face them on my own and that my problems are not what defines my life; my life is defined by being a beloved child of God.  I also know that all of the people that I look up to and admire have a love for God and radiate with love as they strive to follow His will.  So do I have the perfect answer, no, but in my heart there is no doubt of the existence and love of God. For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Cor 5:7


"Our hearts our restless, until they rest in you." Famous and true words by St. Augustine . We all long for something and as we continued talking over our coffee (aka smoothie in my case) we discovered that God has placed moments of peace and grace in each of our lives, but then in other moments it is easy to feel far from God and question our trust in Him.  So our next question was "How do we learn to trust God more?"  Now I really wasn't sure to this answer, but the simplest answer seemed to be to get to know Christ.   How can we trust someone we don't know?  So over the next few weeks we plan to read through and pray with the Holy Gospel and encounter Christ in a personal way.

But we also wanted something that we could start right now and this  is what we invite you to join in with us.  We are starting gratitude journals where at the end of each day we will write down five to ten things that God has blessed us with that day.  Allowing us to see how much He provides for us each day and guides us along the way.  Of course there will be really hard parts to each day, and what do we do with those? Well her idea was that we write those down also, giving our problems to God, and then reflect on how He could possibly use them to bring good into our lives. This doesn't mean that God caused the bad to happen, it just means that we believe God is greater than sorrow and even in the worst situations, He can bring hope.

An example of this was my two and a half hour commute home on public transportation. I could have really let this irritate me, but I thought back to our conversation and realized that God could turn this traffic jam into extra time for me to pray for those around me.

We hope, that through this nightly reflection, the love of God will be made clearer in our lives as well as in anyone who wishes to join us on this journey to know The Lord deeper.  We hope that God will reveal His love to each of us if we only ask.  "Dear Lord, please make your love for me known and felt in my life."



Sunday, September 28, 2014

“The Lord hears the cry of the poor”

“The Lord hears the cry of the poor”

Friday, September 26th
So today was pretty amazing, God really blessed me with an incredible insight into His love and into the humanity surrounding me. 

After a beautiful rosary at the basilica, confession with a Missionaries of Charity Father, God was preparing me for my favorite day thus far, as well as the hardest. Father sent us over to their soup kitchen were we arrived just as everyone was beginning to eat.  I got handed a baby that was 5 days old wrapped up so tightly in a blanket you could barely see his face.  He was there with his parents, 5 year old brother as well as his 8 year old sister.  They were currently homeless after being recently deported and weren’t able to eat any of the food served because they have eaten food from the states for so long they can’t take the Mexican spice.  It’s hard to see such a loving family be forced to leave a job and a home and have to try to raise a family with nothing. 

After the soup kitchen we headed to Villa Mujers, a home for women, usually older who have mental illness or have been abandoned by family members who no longer want to take care of them.  As we walked through, everyone was calling out and longing for us to show them attention, you could tell that all they wanted was love.  I knelt and said hola to one lady, and as she held my hand she started telling stories of her mama and papa and tear started streaming out her eyes.  It was one of those moments when you don’t know what to do but simply listen.  The rest of the time there we spent in the room where the really sick and dying were.  Two ladies were so excited to see Craig and just started telling him all these stories.  There was one lady that was curled up on the bed next to them, her body bent in weird unnatural positions and nothing but skin clinging to her bones.  Holding her hand and listening to her try to talk, but only be able scream was a moment when it took everything inside of me to hold back tears.   Life can be so hard to understand. 

Next we went to the rehab center and met the priest there. He was so full of love and showed us around.  Down stairs there were two boys who had just come off the streets, hooked to IVs. Our hope is that Sunday two of the street kids that we visit will come with us to the rehab center.  We went and saw them after leaving and they were so full of love for Craig as he walked up and just excited to see us.  I got drilled for about 10 minutes about whether or not I had a boyfriend and how tall he was and if they could fight him.  They are always entertaining to talk to and try to understand.

Pray that the boys stay committed to going to rehab today.  The whole process is a lot harder than most people think.  When you have been on drugs for so long your body doesn’t know how to function without them.  The first three days of rehab will most likely be spend throwing up and hooked on an IV to make sure that the body stabilizes.  Only through Christ will any of us be able to let go of our addictions big or small and be able to live in in the freedom we were designed for. 

Saturday, I was blessed to get to spend time at the Missionaries of Charity here in Mexico.  They also have a home for women with disabilities who are sick and dying or have been abandoned by their families.  Upstairs is where we spent most of our time, with the babies.  There were about 10 of them who were being fed and cared for, most of whom had disabilities; either mental or physical, and all of whom had been abandoned by their families and left on the side of the road.  It was such a joy to hold them and get to walk them around the garden outside.  Holding Jaime felt so different than a normal child because of his tense body and inability to relax like most children would.  He had a constant smile on his face and a look of awe and wonder at everything we looked at.  Some of the girls who are in their first few years of preparing to be MCs and consecrate their lives to Christ forever were from the US so it was fun to talk and joke with them and see the love in their eyes for the work they are doing.  May God bless their ministry and all those that see the love of Christ through the love that the sisters show to them. 


Remember, if we love those in front of us, no one will ever go unloved.  

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Medical Mission

Warning: thoughts in this post skip around and don't make much sense 

Who would have thought, God has a way of pulling through when I am being a chicken.  Don’t ask me why, but I have come to hate making phone calls, especially to people I don’t know.  A week ago a college priest approached Elizabeth and I about going on a medical mission trip with his students.  I was really excited until four days later I was supposed to call the girl in charge and let her know we were coming.  Why did I not want to make the call, who knows?  Basically I took the approach, “okay, Lord, if you want me to go, make it happen.”  Thursday I get a Facebook message asking if we wanted to go, and Friday afternoon we were getting on a bus with 30 unknown college students headed to the mountains. 

The purpose for traveling to the mountains was to go to villages where there is no medical service and let everyone know that we would be having free medical clinics.  It was also supposed to be an opportunity for the college students to encounter a deeper relationship with Jesus as well as to remember the passion that goes into medical practice.  I really appreciate the purpose of the trip and what I got out of it, but it also really made me appreciate FOCUS mission trips and the emphasis they place on quiet prayer time as well as going into detail of the joy that comes from being in a relationship with God. 

What I have really started to realize is that Mexico is quite similar to the United States in that the people here are often unable to fully grasp the concept of God’s Mercy.  Many are just unaware that God loves them no matter what they have done, and only wants for them to accept His Mercy and forgiveness.  Anyways, it was a great experience, I made some friends, and I have no focus to write this blog.  I am sitting in a coffee house that looks like it belongs in West O.  I spent the last day in my apartment staring at my computer trying to learn Spanish and started a new bible study.  I learned I can’t sit still for a whole day at a time, surprise surprise. 

(I should say however, the online Bible study is amazing and anyone interested in learning more about their faith should check out http://www.salvationhistory.com/studies/courses/online.  It is free and you can do it whenever you have a little free time.)

Blogs looked at instead of finishing this post



“Do not fear sharing the Truth; the Truth can take care of itself.   Our task is to ask questions, pursue the Truth, and then simply unleash it.  It’s quite elementary.”

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Why Mexico City?

 I have now been in Mexico City a little over a week, and I am sure many are wondering why.  For anyone who knew me in high school, they knew I was ardently opposed to Spanish.  I took two years, hated it (mainly because of a teacher), and swore I was never going to need it and therefore deleted it from my brain.  That’s why even I have a hard time believing that I am actually here.  I don’t think it even really hit me that I was in Mexico until the other night when I was sitting in my neighbor’s house, eating a meal I can’t pronounce, and listening to a conversation where I understand only 1/500 words. As I looked around it sunk it, I am in a two room house in the middle of the largest city in the world, but I feel at home. 


How did I get here?
After my first international mission trip to Haiti, I felt my heart being pulled towards foreign mission work and then after India last summer I had no doubt.  So while other people were applying for normal jobs, I was searching the internet for organizations that would allow me to serve in an unknown land.

It was mid-December and I was still trying to decide.  Looking back it must have been December 13th, since the day before was the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe.  I hadn’t heard her story in a while and someone had mentioned it to me the day before and it caught my attention. For those of you who don’t know: After the Spanish had taken over Mexico, they were trying to spread Christianity anhere 
d put to the polytheistic and human sacrificing religion, but in eleven years, only a few hundred had converted.  Well in 1531 a man was walking by Tepeyac Hill and a woman appeared to him claiming to be the Mother of Christ.  She asked him to talk to the Bishop and tell him she would like a church build on this hill so that the Mexican’s could learn the love of her Son and feel her protection.  Well when he went to the Bishop, the Bishop didn’t believe him and asked for a sign.  Our Lady told him to gather roses (in winter) which she rearranged in his tilma (a cloth worn), and as he let them fall in front of the Bishop, there appeared a beautiful image of a woman, otherwise known as Our Lady of Guadalupe.  This image is in the Basilica in Mexico City and has been studied by scientists over the years who have no explanation to many aspects of the image or how it has lasted over 500 years. Within nine years after the appearance, over 9 million Mexicans had converted to Christianity.  To find out more click

Anyways, as I was telling a friend this miracle who didn’t know much about Mary, he just kind of stared at me and asked to see a picture.  As I showed it to him his eyes got big and he said that half an hour before when we were at a thrift store he had seen a few statues of the image.  At first it just seemed to be a coincidence.  Well the next day I was telling a FOCUS missionary about the previous day’s events and she perked up and asked if I had considered Mexico as a place to do mission work.  Mexico was the last place I thought of, it wasn’t even on my radar.  But she started telling me about another missionary who had a friend, Craig, who has lived in Mexico the last 8 years as a missionary and had connections to a home for women and children; an area I have always had an interest in.  Just at that moment the other missionary who knew Craig walked out of his office.  Long story short, I got in contact and from there it was a quick process to finalizing my move.  God even answered prayers and opened the heart of another college student from MO to go down with me for a while, who speaks every good Spanish; easing the nerves of my parents who feared I would be wondering the streets of Mexico alone. 


Whenever I got nervous about leaving, whether in a friend’s house or in a church, there was about a 95% chance that a few seconds later I would see an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe reassuring me that this was where God was calling me.  He continues to impress me as He slowly reveals new plans He has for me while I am here.  A few months before I left I heard of all the FOCUS mission trips that were coming to Mexico that I could help with, causing me to laugh because God was answering another prayer that I had prayed two years ago, but didn’t trust would ever be answered.  He is constantly full of surprises.

This past week has reminded me that as long as my heart is aimed towards Christ, God will make His desires for my life quite clear; and let’s face it, His plans are way better than our own.  We just have to be patient and listen. 

Dios te ama

Courtney  

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Why the homeless are actually richer


I had one of those eye opening moments Friday that make someone stop and contemplate their own life.  I was praying in church after all the students left mass and a few 2nd grade students wondered back in and went up to the homeless man who sits in front of me to keep out of the cold.  They brought him a piece of cake and told him to have a nice day and went off to spend their day learning.  It is a beautiful thing to watch kids at such a young age start to learn the value of giving and loving everyone around them.   While seeing this interaction was moving enough, what happened next really stopped me in my tracks.

As soon as the students left, what was the first thing he did? Turn around and ask me if I wanted to share the piece of cake with him.  It totally caught me off guard, but was such a generous gesture. Here was a man who has very little, probably isn’t sure if he is even going to eat the rest of the day and yet he is offering part of what he has been given to me. 

How often do I ever do this? Get something and think ‘now who can I go and share this with?´ I’ll give you a hint, it isn’t usually my first thought.  This really brought me back to my time in India and Haiti; the poor were always the first to try to share. They didn’t cling to things like we do in the US.  They didn’t see possessions as the source of their happiness and instead they get joy from sharing with others, even the little they have. 

Pope Francis explained it the best:

“The promise was that when the glass was full, it would overflow, benefitting the poor. But what happens instead, is that when the glass is full, it magically gets bigger nothing ever comes out for the poor.”


Are you willing to give even when your glass isn’t full, or does your glass just keep growing?

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Why do we do this at Mass?

Mass is a beautiful experience for all those wishing to grow closer to Christ and share in His life.  For me, mass has become so much more powerful the last few years after understanding why we do certain things during it as well as learning the meaning behind all the parts of the mass.  I was astounded to see all the biblical routes of the entire mass while reading The Lambs Supper by Scott Hahn and watching him speak on the origins of the mass  

For this post however, I thought I would look into more of the motions at mass, especially the ones I saw at the Newman Center my freshmen year that were different than I was used to in my home parish. I have gathered explanations about some of these things such as holding hands, how to receive the Eucharist, as well as why to pray after mass from a few people who are much more knowledgeable about the mass.

Silence before/ coming early to mass
 Sacred Silence be observed in our churches prior to the celebration of the Sacred Liturgy to allow the clergy and the faithful to properly prepare and dispose themselves for the Sacred Mysteries to which they are about to participate.           

>The General Instruction of the Roman Missal reminds us: “Sacred silence also, as part of the celebration, is to be observed at the designated times.... Even before the celebration itself, it is commendable that silence is observed in the church, in the sacristy, in the vesting room, and in adjacent areas, so that all may dispose themselves to carry out the sacred action in a devout and fitting manner.” (GIRM 45)

Holy Water:
Used when making the sign of the cross to remind us of our own baptism, the promise we made to Christ, and an outward expression of the new sinless life you are trying to living because of Him. 

Scott Hahn notes, “a North African theologian named Tertullian mentions the custom of symbolically cleansing one’s hands before lifting them in prayer.  It was a Jewish custom that predated the coming of Our Lord, and it may be what St. Paul was referring to when he wrote to Timothy: “I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands” or “pure hands” (1 Tim 2:8)”

Tracing the cross on our foreheads, lips, and hearts before the gospel

Fr. Mateo offered the following explanation for this ritual: "For the word which Christ brought and which is set down in this book we are willing to stand up with a mind that is open; we are ready to confess it with our mouth; and above all we are determined to safeguard it faithfully in our hearts."

Not holding hands during the Our Father:

Bishop of Covington, Roger Foys:

“Special note should also be made concerning the gesture for the Our Father. Only the priest is given the instruction to “extend” his hands. Neither the deacon nor the lay faithful are instructed to do this. No gesture is prescribed for the lay faithful in the Roman Missal; nor the General Instruction of the Roman Missal, therefore the extending or holding of hands by the faithful should not be performed.” 

It is a theological argument that Pope Benedict XVI made in his book, Spirit of the Liturgy. The point of holding hands is a sign of community and communion. Since this is the case, it is a misplaced sign, because we aren't truly in communion until we have exchanged the sign of peace. this is why Communion happens after the Sign of Peace, because it is the sign of communion par excellence.


Receiving the Eucharist on the tongue:

When I was younger and preparing for first communion, they told us that we received on our tongue because it was like rolling out a red carpet for God because He is a king.  While it is acceptable to receive on the tongue or with the hands according to the church, receiving on the tongue reminds me that I am unworthy to even touch Jesus, but yet he still chooses to come to me.   On Marc Barnes blog, BadCatholic, he does a good job explaining his reason behind his choice for communion,

“Now when I unworthily receive the body of Christ, I should do so with the profound understanding that it is not by my power that I receive Him, but by the authority of God made manifest in his Church. It is by the power of Christ granted to the priest. The Eucharist is the gift of God to us, Love Himself made vulnerable to our ingestion. It is not a thing we can take or claim — it is a person we receive. Receiving on the tongue expresses this truth in the body.

As a baby bird lifts its head for food, or as an infant seeks its mother’s milk, so we open our mouths. There is no action between the administration of the Eucharist by the priest and my reception of the very same. In this posture of helpless receptivity we conform our bodies to the authority of God, and to the reality that we are dependent on his action — manifested in the Church — for our salvation. We recognize by our bodies that the Eucharist is gift, pure gift."

After Communion/ Praying After Mass  
So many people go up for Holy Communion simply to go through the motions and think nothing of it, and yet, St. Pius X said that “if the Angels could envy, they would envy us for Holy Communion.” And St. Madeleine Sophie Barat defined Holy Communion as “Paradise on earth.” (more saints quotes on the beauty of Holy Communion)

St. Alphonsus Liguori once wrote that “there is no prayer more dear to God than that which is made after communion.” He continued that our loving thoughts and prayers after communion mean more then than otherwise “because they are then animated by the presence of Jesus Christ, who is united to our souls.” 

http://www.fatima.org/joel/images/spacer.gif“You envy,” said St. John Chrysostom, “the opportunity of the woman who touched the vestments of Jesus, of the sinful woman who washed His feet with her tears, of the women of Galilee who had the happiness of following Him in His pilgrimages, of the Apostles and disciples who conversed with Him familiarly, of the people of the time who listened to the words of grace and salvation which came forth from His lips. You call happy those who saw Him ... But, come to the altar and you will see Him, you will touch Him, you will give to Him holy kisses, you will wash Him with your tears, you will carry Him within you like Mary Most Holy.”

Jesus once complained to St. Faustina, the Polish nun to whom He first gave us the Divine Mercy Chaplet, of people who "treat Me like a dead object" after receiving Him in Communion.

The Catechism teaches Christ remains physically present in us, in the Eucharist for 15-20 minutes, until the accidents (observable qualities such as taste, appearance, smell, ect) of bread and wine subsist.  The same time it takes the digestive juices in the stomach to work on the Host before it is no longer recognizable as bread.

This being said, think of the amazing grace that comes from spending extra time in prayer after mass has ended instead of rushing out of the building.  

“While God is everywhere, and we can pray to Him at any time or place, what better time is there to give Jesus our love, thanksgiving, and concerns than during our special time with Him after receiving Him in the Eucharist?”

"Another point to be emphasized is the importance of staying during the entire Mass.  There are many plastic images to illustrate this, but most can grasp that if their boss, or the local mayor, summons them to a meeting, they would not dare leave before their host has formally brought it to a close.  If we behave thus before mere human authority and relationships, then how much more should it be true when our host is the Father who created us, the Son who died and rose for us, and the Spirit who gives us life?"

When you rush in and out of Mass as if the world can't wait another ten minutes, you are showing God you have other priorities more important than Him.

One Priest once made the comment, "Please remember when you receive, that the Mass is not ended yet.  Give thanks to God for His gift of the Eucharist.  Let us not imitate Judas.  He was the only one who left the Last Supper early, and you know what happened to him, don't you?"

So next time you are at mass, really think about all the things you are doing, and don't be like Judas, stick around to spend some intimate time in prayer with Christ. 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Why 22 will be better than 21

 I have been trying to ignore the fact that I was turning 22, freaking out because it seems so old. Up until tonight the question ‘so what are you going to accomplish while you are 22?’ stumped me.

However, during adoration it was as if a rock was thrown at my head.  God is about to rock my world.  I get to spend the next few months finishing school surrounded some of the most amazing friends.  Then I graduate.  Like wait what??? This is absolutely amazing. These past four years have changed me in ways that I wouldn’t have imagined in my wildest dreams. My mind has been opened to a world outside of myself and soon, God is about to reveal to me a future I could have never imagined. IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

I mean I have no idea what life is about to bring me or where I will be in seven months, but that’s okay. Where ever it is, I can’t wait to get there!  God is about to call me to my next vacation, He will open so many opportunities for me to go out and do something that I love.  Something that I am so passionate about that I am going to wake up every day leaping out of bed with a smile.  I mean who wouldn’t want that?  I am going to be able to go out and share my joy and desires with others, hopefully changing their lives.   


This is about to be the greatest year of my life. And every year after will also be the greatest year of my life.  HOW COULD IT NOT BE??? I will be living my life for God, surrounded by people I love, doing something that I love.  In Taylor Swift’s words… 'I’m feeling twenty two'

Catholic Guilt

‘Those who trust in Him shall understand truth, and the faithful shall abide with Him in LOVE because grace and mercy are with His holy ones and His care is with His elect.’ – Wisdom 3:9

Why do I feel guilty about sleeping in and missing mass after making a promise to myself I would go as often as possible?

Ø   Because I know that going to mass would have brought me closer to God, creating a more joyful, peaceful, and thankful day.

What most people assume 'Catholic guilt' is, is a feeling of God being mad at me and trying to make me feel bad. This feeling is actually from growing closer to God and Him revealing to my heart the knowledge of the better choice. He has shown me the beauty of the grace and love and mercy that I receive during mass and He tries to allow me this opportunity every day; all I have to do is say ‘yes’.

What is in my heart isn't guilt, it is inner grace that God has given me to lead me down the path that He knows is perfect for me, even if I can’t always see it myself.  During this life, I have fallen into sin and my mind has been tainted by the world.  I have been taught certain things will bring me pleasure and to follow those worldly pleasures.  But I am like a rat in a maze, I do not always know the best way to take; sometimes I want to follow the trail of poisonous cheese someone left. Alone I would fail, but I am not alone; God can see the best way out, He knows that best way to get me to the end goal safely. 

We need to be thankful God has given us a conscious because it allows us to find the everlasting joy that we long for in the depths of our hearts. It may be hard to always make the right choice because the rest of the world says it’s wrong, but sooner or later we will understand the good that comes from right decision.

 God isn't upset with you when you make the wrong choice, He just patiently longs for you to know Him and waits for you to direct your path back to Him so he can forgive your sins and bring you back on the road towards His everlasting love.  

Monday, November 11, 2013

Embracing Silence

St. Augustine once said, “You made us for yourself oh Lord; and our own hearts are restless until they rest in you.”

Similarly, French philosopher Blaise Pascal believed, “the worst torture for modern man is to be quiet and alone in a room.”

What this means:

1.    Our hearts are created to be united with God; that is the whole reason He breathed life into us in the first place. 
2.    When we sit in silence, we reflect on our lives and feel that longing within our hearts.
3.    When we are separated from God by mortal sin we hate the silence because it reminds us that no matter how much stuff we buy or how many friends we have, there is still a feeling of loneliness.   
4.    Silence also allows us to realize what misguided parts of our life we need to change, but often find it impossible to do so.

We have two choices:

5a. Fill the silence up with the constant noise of people, music, books, TV, electronics, etc.

5b. Embrace the silence, start speaking with God; listening to your own heart as it tries to lead you down a new path towards eternal happiness.

6a. If you take the first path, you will never feel complete and will constantly try to fill yourself with the next best thing; seeking to fit a square peg into the circular sized hole in your heart that longs for its Creator.


6b. If you take the second path, you may experience some hard realizations, some bumpy times and big changes, but after these alterations in your life, you will be able to embrace the silence (you will seek the silence). At last, your heart will be at rest, embracing and returning God’s love.  You will finally experience peace, knowing that no matter where life leads you or what it brings you, God will be there next to you, guiding you through the storm, which is what truly matters. 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Lessons from an AA meeting

Attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meetings was such a beautiful experience; they are so raw and honest; so inviting and non-judgmental. 

What I learned:
  1. They are blessed to have gone through this experience because they no longer live with an ‘I can do anything’ attitude, like so many people do.
  2. They know the truth about human weakness.
  3. They know that to reach a goal it takes the support of those around them as well as the will power to keep trying even when they mess up.   
  4. They know we can do nothing on our own. Their everyday is focused on giving up control of their lives because they know God is the only one who can make it better. 
  5. They accept everyone, regardless of their past. 
  6. They know that the things they buy for their family aren't nearly as important as the time they spend with them.  Their children would rather have daddy home to play with than have daddy bring them a toy after working all day. 
  7. They know the importance of taking things one day at a time.  Making the right choices today will lead to a better tomorrow. There is no need to worry about the future. 
  8. They know that we don’t control the world around us; things don’t always go according to our plan and we must accept that. 
  9. They know that problems don’t discriminate between class or race.
  10. They know not to judge someone based on their past; people can change.
  11. They know that Praying to God is the only way to through the day; with Him, all things are possible.


>>>They are truly lucky because they know
the truth for  'when I am weak, then I am strong’
                                              – 2 Cor 12:10 

What is Islam?

My diversity class this semester has really forced me out of my comfort zone and caused me to critically think about my life and the way I view other cultures.  This class, as well as going to India has really allowed me to see the value behind every culture and religion so I made it my goal to learn more about the other cultures this semester.

I had my first opportunity a few weeks ago at the Saudi Arabia event going on in the Union.  I will admit, my first reason for going was to try some of the food, but it led to a long conversation about food, culture, values, and dress.

Speaking with some of the girls there, they explained why they wear abayas which cover their whole bodies and even sometimes their face.  I always made the (wrong) assumption that it was because Islamic men viewed women as their property, not wanting anyone else to look at her, as well as because they wanted to be dominant and silence her voice by not letting her show her personality.  What I found was the complete opposite.  These girls loved wearing abayas and being covered from head to toe.

They said it let them express their personalities even more because when people speak with them, they get to know them for who they are without assuming things based on their figure.  they also really enjoy the fact that men do not simply looking at them because of their bodies, they know that people truly like their personality.  How many of us can say that those around us like us 100% for our personality and not because of the way we look and the way we dress.

Now I am not saying we all need to change the way we dress, I do see truth in the fact that God created us in beauty and that we shouldn't hide it, but what it has taught me is that we need to step away from our assumptions and get to know the truth behind other cultures.  I also see great value in dressing modestly and not flaunting your body so that those around you like you for you and not because they like to look at you.

Another interesting thing I learned was who they believe Jesus is.  Fascinatingly enough, they believe that the Virgin Mary was the mother of Jesus and that Jesus preached the truth about God.  They do then go off track and say that he is simply a great profit and not the Son of God, but still, I didn't realize the similarities.  At the bottom of a pamphlet I was given, it describes their religious views and I must say, they have a strikingly similar outlook on life.

...."Surrender your imperfect and fickle will to the perfect will of the Power that is greater than you.  you will then find the peace and freedom that only the Creator of all things can provide.  Then you must do what is right and good to your fellow creatures"....

To anyone who actually reads this post; I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and go somewhere that you are the minority.  Go in with an open mind and you will be so amazed at what you may learn. 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

God Cancels Class

Today’s gospel is one that is brought up often and we always hear the same sermon over and over again.  Be like Mary, sit and listen to Jesus instead of being like Martha always constantly running around trying to do everything perfectly.       

Luke 10: 38-40
38
Now as they went on their way, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha received him into her house.
39
And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching.
40
But Martha was distracted with much serving; and she went to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me."

No matter how many times I reflect on this reading, it always hits home and reminds me I need to straighten out my priorities.  The last month I have been trying to tame the Martha in me and be more of a Mary.  I used to try to do every possible church activity thrown at me from two bible studies to Theology on tap to lots of classes and meetings, and it was really weighing me down.  I couldn’t handle it all and it wasn’t making me feel like I actually knew God and it really confused me why not. I was being a Martha; doing everything I thought would please Jesus, but I ended up ignoring Him.  Sure I gained lots of knowledge and know way more about my faith now, but through being so caught up on these things, I lost my relationship with Jesus. I pridefully thought I could become holier by taking charge and learning every possible thing there is to know about the faith. 

What I really needed though to be happy and calm myself down was to put my relationship with Jesus first before everything else. Don’t get me wrong, bible study and classes are great, but if your top priorities aren’t mass and alone time praying to Jesus during a holy hour (or holy 10 minutes) to build your relationship with Him, then you will never feel fulfilled. 

Is it really possible to get to know someone from only listening to others tell stories about them or discuss some of their teachings? No.  We may know a lot about them, but we don’t know them personally.  Same with Jesus.  Until you take time to talk to Him daily, you won’t know Him or all the wonderful things he wants to give you.  When you care about someone you make time to talk to them every day.  Do you make sure to talk to Jesus every day?

When you make time for God, He makes time work for you.  These last crazy few days it would have been really easy to come up with a good excuse to pass up going to mass or holy hour so that I could gain some needed time for homework.  By the grace of God I stuck to my plans for holy hour, even when a rush of thoughts telling me I could never get everything done attacked. Did I get as much done as I hoped to that day, no? But I did walk out of mass with a sense of peace and awareness that God would help me get done what needed to be done.  Amazingly enough, I got exactly what I needed done the next day and then God even felt like being more generous and canceled my three hour class in the afternoon. He is always sending me little ‘don’t forget I love you’ messages.  

Now I am not guaranteeing that by doing a holy hour God will cancel your class, but by spending time silently with Jesus, building that relationship, you will receive the peace and calmness you desire because you place all your trust in God.

Luke 10: 41-42

But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things;
one thing is needful. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Prayer to fulfilling the will of God

Prayer to fulfilling the will of God

‘Lord, if it be your will, so let it be, and if it be to Your honor, let it be fulfilled in Your name. Lord, if this be for my good, give me the grace to use it for your honor, but if you know that it will be harmful to me and not profitable for the good of my soul, then take away from me such a desire.’

‘O most merciful Jesus, grant me Your grace, that it may remain with me always and persevere with me to the end.  Grant me always to will and desire what is most pleasing and acceptable to you.  Let Your will be mine and let my will always follow Yours in perfect conformity with it.  Let my will and desires always be one with Yours’ and let me be unable to will or not to will except as You will or do not will.'


'Grant that I may die to all worldly things and that I may be despised and unknown for love of you.  Grant, above all things to be desired, that I may find rest in you, and that in Your heart alone may be my peace.  You, O lord give true peace to the heart and perfect rest to the body and soul.  Apart from You, all is difficult and never still.  In that peace, in You who are the one, supreme and eternal God, I will sleep and take my rest (Psalm 4:9)’ Amen 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

So Help Me God

I have always looked at the phrase ‘so help me God’ as something to be used to make a point, more of a threat.  But is it? We say it after sweating to tell the truth or make an oath.  I considered it to mean that if I was lying, I would be struck down by the person I was lying to and would need God’s mercy to save me.  Or that God would be the one who would strike me down for lying and again I would have to beg for His help to avoid the punishment that would come upon me from lying. 

Let’s take a moment to look at this from a different tone of voice, from the voice of a humble and just person.  ‘So help me God.’ No longer is this a phrase taken in defense of your honor, but it is admittance of the truth.  If I am taking an oath to ‘tell the truth and nothing but the truth’ I truly do need help from God. Because if we are honest, we never fully know the truth of any situation.  We know the truth from our own experiences, but psychologists have proven over and over that the human brain has flaws and often misses many of the things that go on in any situation. 

This becomes a humbling moment to us as we let down the facade of thinking we know everything and admit that we need God’s help in discovering the truth.

‘So help me God’  

What about those moments when you know the truth, but are too afraid to say it in fear of hurting someone or fearful of what people may think of you? ‘So help me God’ is also calling up to God asking Him to send down His grace so that we may not be scared of the response that may come from speaking the truth.  If we don’t have God reminding us that speaking the truth is the correct decision to make and that with it comes joining Him in His everlasting kingdom, we would never be able to face the harsh judgments of this world.  


“So help me God though out my day. Help me to recognize and speak the truth.  Help me to live out truth in my life and to not be afraid of the earthly responses I may receive because I know of the joys in Heaven that await me.  Amen”


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Time Should be Used, Not Use You


Senior year has been freaking me out; actually my best friend Dana is more why I have been freaking out.  Up until a few days ago, I was on the relaxing bandwagon of just seeing where senior year takes me and hoping that God would drop something in my lap before I graduate. 

Last week she called and was freaking out about what she was going to do after graduation and all these adult decisions she was going to have to make and it hit me: I am graduating this year and being thrown into the adult world. (I would tell you the number of months left till I graduate, but I can't really bring myself to count them.) With only ___ months left till graduation I have a lot of lasts I am going to start experiencing; last formal, last initiation, last Husker football game. Part of me wants to say yes I can't wait till initiation, it is going to be such a great time, but then I stop myself and think yes, I can wait, because I realize that when it is time for initiation that means there is only ___ - 1 months left until graduation.  All this counting down freaks me out.

It's not that I am scared to graduate; I can't wait to see the life and experiences God has planned out for me, but I want to make sure that I enjoy all the time I have left in school because I know it will be gone momentarily.  In my diversity class today we got on the topic of how different cultures value time; in America if something is planned from 7-9, we show up at 7 and we leave at 9. The time that we have planned to be somewhere is the only time we give to that event and the people there; as soon as we reach the end of our allocated time, we get up and leave.  Other cultures however, don't focus on time, they are more concerned about the company they are with and the quality conversations they are having with someone. They don't get upset when someone is late, they just figure it is because they were helping out a friend. The last thought on their mind when listening to someone explain their hard day would be the fact that they need to leave in two minutes to make it to another meeting.   I am the worst at this, my schedule is nonstop from 7am to 11pm and some days I think my head is going to explode. What I lack in my life is a little buffer time. Time that I can use to sit down and talk with someone who is having a bad day, time that I can use to catch up with an old friend as I am walking back from class. "time should be used, not use you." My time should be more focused on those that I love, not my TO DO list. 

We have all hear the story in the Bible of the Good Samaritan, who stopped to help the injured man even when the priest and Levite passed over him.  I was recently listening to a podcast of Freakanomics where they did a modern day test of this story to see why some people pass over those in need and others help.  What they found was that when testing to see if seminarians would stop to help someone, it didn't matter if they had just heard the story of the good Samaritan, what mattered was how much time they had.  They would always stop and help, unless they were in a hurry, then they would pass right over the man, probably not even noticing him.  Who do you and I pass over that needs our help or even just a simple hello because we are in a hurry or staring at our phones? If I had a few less 'make myself feel good' meetings planning in a day, I could spend time building up those around me. 

This whole using my time wisely and to glorify God also struck a chord as I was listening to Matthew Kelly talk when he made the comment, " When we say yes to the stuff that isn't for us, we miss out on the stuff that is just for us" 

God has a perfect plan for our lives; there are certain places we are supposed to be to meet certain people so that certain lives can be changed.  However, we all to often decide that we have a much better day planned out for us than God does and we take control.  To be fulfilled we try to fill our days with an unreachable To do list.  Everyone can attest that a full day does not mean your day was fulfilling, often it just leaves you stressed and dreading the next day. 


My goal for this semester is to let God into my To do list.  Before I commit I need to ask His advice.  Is this just for me, is this organization or meeting necessary and will it make me a better person, or will it cause me to pass over the opportunities God has placed in my life to fulfill me make me truly happy. 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Photos Tell a Thousand Words

Words don't always seem to be able to do justice to stories and memories; Hopefully this video will help provide a visual to everything that I can't explain with words about the mission trip to India.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p4_KWgjFC8


 "If you want your future to be different from your past, change your habits." Matthew Kelly

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Kolkata India Journal

Thank you again to everyone who supported me on my mission trip to Kolkata, it was truly an amazing experience and my hope was to be able to share the trip with you in a more personal way.  I kept a daily journal of all the things that we did, as well as my thoughts and feelings about some of the interactions I had an the relationships I built. 

It is slightly long, so what may be the easiest is to go down to the bottom of the document below and click the full screen button and it will expand it to make it a readable size or you can down load and it will open it up in a more readable view and allow you to print it and not have to stare at a screen. 

I hope that you are able to take the time to read and learn more about what Kolkata was like.  I do apologize for any misspellings or grammar errors.  Most of these journals were written very early in the morning, or late at night when my brain was a little worn out. 
God Bless,
Courtney

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Peace of Mind



Friday night I was home, and I was okay with that.  I sat there feeling as though I should be upset or unhappy that everyone else was probably having a blast, but I wasn’t upset at all. I was more thankful I didn’t have to turn anyone down to go out.  This made me think back to a few years ago and how I had a totally different perspective back then. 

If it was 7pm on a Friday night a few years ago and I didn’t have plans  I would have been devastated, wondering why I didn’t have any friends and thinking about what a loser I was.  It didn’t matter whether or not I actually wanted to go out. There were some nights I wanted to do nothing but sit at home and watch a movie, but I was always worried about missing out and all my friends having so much fun without me.

This is where that feeling of Earthly peace would come in.  I was so overwhelmed with feeling like a dork because that’s what the world told me I would be if I stayed home one night.  My feelings were all based on what other people would think and how I would be viewed.  I felt a sense of peace as soon as that first text would come in with plans for the evening and I would rush to say yes, even if I wanted to do nothing but stay at home or if I didn’t really like what I was about to go do.  It was all about making sure I wasn’t missing out.  Half the time I wouldn’t even have that much fun and just be counting down until it was acceptable for me to head home.  I didn’t feel true peace, what I felt was this “peaceful” sense of living up to the standards of the world. 

Last night at around 7pm I was thinking to myself, “Hmm, I’m 21 I should be wanting to go down town, but I don’t, I would rather be at home spending time with my parents.”  I only have three weeks left of summer, so why would it be a bad thing to spend time with the people that I love the most.  I had no anxiety of worrying about how people would view me. I think this has come with knowing my priorities and learning how much I am loved by God.

 Before knowing this love I was always trying to fill a feeling of emptiness with the acceptance of the world.  Life is so much simpler and peaceful knowing that I don’t have to live up to the standards of the world, because lets be honest, most of them aren’t good standards anyways.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

India- The Poor in Spirit


I get so easily distracted and know what it means to lack the gift of being poor in spirit. I think that if someone were to say ‘give up your life for Jesus’ I would say yes instantly, but yet on a daily basis I fail at this.  Every time I feel the urge to pray, but don’t because of my phone or the TV or something similar, I am
showing God what I think is truly important. Having spiritual poverty (being poor in spirit) means I am willing to drop everything for Jesus, nothing would tie me down or make me say ‘hold on Jesus, be with you in a minute.’  This may be why the material poor are closer to Jesus’ heart, because they don’t have material things that they have made into their own gods and put them before Christ.  They run to embrace the fullness of the Lord when He calls because they can see how much greater He is than anything here on earth, while I often have to respond to a text or finish a quick task before I turn my full attention to God. While in Goa, we saw the people give way more honor and thanksgiving to God in one day than many Americans give in their whole lives.


I think a lot of this comes from all of the things we have and the technology that makes us so self efficient that we don’t think we have to rely on God daily and do things like pray for freshwater because it’s right in our homes, we don’t have to pray for good weather because we can predict it days ahead of times, and we know we will always have more than enough for our next meal.  We have turned from thanking God to thanking ourselves because we think everything is in our control with the touch of a button.  In India, many didn’t know if they would eat their next meal or have clean water, and when they did, they gave great thanks to God for providing it for them.  I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be glad for all the technology; it is a wonderful thing (when used in the right way).  What I am saying is that we still need to thank The One who gave us the brains to invent such technology and for the ability to have food on our table because of the jobs that we have due to the skills we were given .  God doesn’t want us to have nothing, but he is God, the Creator, the Father, we should depend fully on Him, giving Him the honor and the thanksgiving He deserves for all that He has given us. 



‘Nothing is appreciated more than appreciation’