No Such thing as Leprosy -India

(currently in a cyber cafe in India, which is a tiny room that you come in off the street and it costs 15 Rupees (30 cents for an hour), so I'd say a good deal.)  

"There are no lepers, only leprosy and its curable."

A few days ago we went to the leprosy shelter that Mother Teresa built while in India and it was amazing to see the work that she did and what she has built for these people with this disease. Most people with leprosy get abandoned by their family and are looked at as if they are not even human.  I can't even imagine being dumped on the side of the road by those who love you the most, your husbands, brothers, children; because you have a disease that everyone is scared of, even though it is curable.  Those stranded are left to die a long slow lonely death. 

It took a woman like Mother Teresa to set up and give these people their basic human dignity and spread the word that it is wrong to treat others this way.  She took them in off of the streets to show them that people deserve respect and love.  It is amazing to see what this place has grown into since she first opened it.

When we first got there we walked past some of the patients and it hurt to look at them; seeing the missing arms and legs and many were missing eyesight because of the leprosy slowly eating away at their body.  Stranger than seeing this however, was the fact that they would all smile as you went by and bow and tell you hello in Bengali.  They all seemed so happy and it was hard to imagine being in that state and yet being filled with joy. It's amazing what simply giving someone their dignity back to them and treating them with love will do.

As we continued to walk  we went to a different area and saw the jobs that they supplied for the patients while they were getting treated and even for some who have recovered and just are so thankful for the place that they continue to work there and help out.  One of the jobs that they have for them is to make all of the bedding and clothing for the patients in their other homes as well as make the white and blue saris that all of the sisters wear.  One of the girls pointed out something that really made me stop to think; that these people are the ones left to die by society, they aren't even looked at as humans, and yet they are clothing the women who go out on the streets every day and care for all the sick and dying.  It is amazing to think that they are gaining back their human dignity and by clothing the sisters, they are also feeding the hungry and caring for the wounded.  They are doing more good for the world than many of us are capable of doing in our lifetime.

We also got to see the school that was there for the children of the patients and they sung us a bunch of songs in English and Bengali, it was adorable.  These are children that probably wouldn't have gotten an education if their parents hadn't gotten leprosy and been brought here.  They would definitely not be learning English, which is a necessity if you don't want to live in poverty for the rest of your life. 

 God doesn't create suffering, He allows it to happen.  He is like any father, He hates to see his children suffer.  While he doesn't take away all of the anger and pain in the world, he does make it so good can come from it.  These people were abandoned by society, but through God's love they have been taken in and given human dignity and now have incredible hope for their children's futures.  This is true for all of our lives; if we turn to God, even the hardest parts of our lives can be used for good.

--(This trip has been amazing so far and I have so much more to share!  P.S. my spelling doesn't get any better in any country, so sorry if there were errors)


"You will only be scared of the future if you are not using the present correctly" -Mother Teresa
 

Leaving for India

So tomorrow I star a new adventure as I fly to India for a FOCUS mission trip.  Ever since I went to Haiti last year, all I can think about is how desperately bad some people need our help.

Of course, this help  that they need isn't what most people would expect.  While they do need food and clothing, what they need more is to feel as if they are a true human-being, treated with respect and shown that someone loves them.

Why is it then that when we see someone on the side of the road we automatically feel bad for them because they lack material possessions, cute clothing and food?  Is this perhaps because this is what society has taught us will make us happy? We want to give these things to others because we expect that the lack of these things is what is hurting this person.  Take a moment.  Think of your friend who has the most material possessions and then ask yourself if this person is truly happy. I am going to guess that the answer is probably no.

I have had plenty of friends whose parents work all day every day just so that they can buy them nice things, but at the end of the day they end up just wishing their parents had spent more time with them at home.

What is life without love? To most it would be meaningless.  We need to give meaning to other people's lives and it is so easy to do this.  A simple smile would do the trick and it is amazing that simply asking someone how their day is can make a difference.

Next time you are walking past someone poorer than you sitting on the corner, before you look at your phone and hurry by, take a second to look over and just smile; acknowledge that they are a human too. In God's eyes, you are no greater than they are.

Actually, I would say that 1/2 of the people you walk by on a normal day are feeling unloved, but you can change that.  Someone doesn't have to be homeless to feel like their life doesn't matter.  With our society today so wrapped up in ourselves, it is easy to forget that there are actual people standing all around us waiting for someone to simply smile at them and show that they care.

Peace is not a Feeling

A while ago God allowed the devil to place a dark spot on my heart because of my pride .  On the outside, things were fine, but on the inside my brain was going crazy.  I was so concerned with why I wasn’t good enough, what was I lacking, jealousy, thinking of why others weren’t better than me; that I lost my inner peace.  It took hitting this low point to realize that I have been searching for this peace in the wrong places.  I realized how much I care about awards and honors and being able to prove to others that I am a good person.  I had been expecting something for a really long time, something that I felt I deserved and would show to the world how ‘great’ of a person I was.  When I didn’t get it, I was really taken aback.  I couldn’t understand what I was missing.  The devil has been following me everywhere with these thoughts of confusion and jealousy and really caused a lot of doubt in me about who I was.  It took going on a retreat I didn’t think I needed to open my eyes. 

A seminarian spoke to us about peace.  He said that peace is not a feeling.  Which is a slight twist on things because you so often hear people say, ‘I feel peaceful.’  This is how I was searching for peace.  I was searching for the feeling that I thought I would get from being perect.  From having great friends, a great life and great honors.  The problem was that I had gotten plenty of honors in the past, but where did it lead me? Not to peace, it leads me to just search for that next honor or that next accomplishment so that I could feel peace by knowing that I was succeeding at being this ‘great’ person. 

Long story short, what he said was that peace is not a feeling, peace is a person.  Peace is knowing so deep down in your soul who you are, a child willed into existence by God to be loved by him and to join him on the path of showing the world love.  What does peace by this true definition mean? It means that even when the worst possible thing in your life goes wrong (or littlest). That it’s not about you.  It’s about Jesus.  Peace allows us to know Jesus so intimately that we fully rest in him knowing that no matter what the situation is, God will will good to come through it and by enduring these trials, we are understanding how little this life means and accepting the truth that we will live forever in eternity with God, (hopefully).

This is the peace that I want.  Not the feeling of peace that is never achieved because I am always needing more, but peace from knowing confidently that by fully giving my life to God and those around me through sacrificing and suffering and love, that I might have true peace in knowing that I will spend eternity in Heaven with God.  If I knew the true meaning of peace I would not have been crushed by not getting acknowledgment for all that I have done.  I would have found peace because I knew that all my actions were done for love of God and not because I was seeking recognition from those around me.

Peace is not a feeling.  Peace is a person.  Peace is Jesus Christ.  

Like Sheep in the Midst of Wolves

At tonight’s FOCUSgreek event Sister Mary Helen shared some of her experiences from her time as a Gamma Phi Beta and how her prayer life drew her closer to God throughout her years in the house, eventually leading her to discern religious life.  She spoke of the friendships she made and some of the things she faced while living her faith out in the Greek community.  During her talk she kept referring to how she turned to Mathew 10:16 when things seemed to be getting difficult.  Praying with this verse afterwards, I was struck with how relevant it is to living a Christian life while in a fraternity or sorority. 

Mathew 10:16

"Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and simple as doves.”

Let’s start from the beginning; I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves. The term midst of wolves is a pretty accurate description of what it is like to live on a college campus, let alone in the Greek system.  There are so many people out there willing to attack who you are as a person, what you stand for, your values, and your beliefs.  It seems to be especially hard to be a true Christian who lives out their faith without getting looked down on by a majority of the student body.  I think that recently there have been plenty of examples of people standing up for their faith, but getting attacked for voicing their opinion. If something goes against what society tells us is correct, standing up for it only bring stares and snide remarks.  But yet, even with all of this turmoil and uncomfort, it is God who is sending us out into this world.  He has a special plan for us and wants you and me to be directly in the middle of the Greek system, and often in the heart of sin.

 We are His sheep; he has a purpose for us and wants to lead us home.  Sheep are often looked upon as these clueless animals who just roam the pastures trusting in their shepherd.  Well maybe, just maybe, that is what God is calling us to do.  We don’t need to know the answers to everything or win every battle; we just need to be sheep.  We need to be the sheep that always trust in their shepherd. If we trust God, our shepherd, with our whole heart, we go about living our lives not in fear, but in peace and joy because we know that we are safe because the Lord is always there watching over us and wanting to steer us from danger.  If we live our lives with our Shepherd as our guide, we should never worry, even with the threat of wolves in the distant because as long as we follow the path the Lord has laid out for us, He will lead us safely home. 

“be shrewd as serpents”

To be shrewd means to be cunning, good with judgment, or having a clever awareness.  He tells us to be shrewd as serpents referring to the slyness that serpents have as they move around, always slightly out of reach and slipping away from danger.  Think back to Adam and Even in the garden, the serpent didn’t tell them that God didn’t exist; he simply tried to enter into their hearts and convince them that they could be like God if they would only eat the fruit.  What if we lived our lives like this; if we looked through other people’s eyes to see into their hearts and find their emptiness? We would be able to find their confusion and present them with the truth of God that would reach their hearts on a personal level. 

What if we had the cunning awareness that Jesus possessed as he spoke in the temples? He was aware of objections that may come his way and knew the best response before he was even questioned.  However, he wouldn’t use argument to win them over; instead he would answer a question with a question, stopping the claims against him and causing those around him to think deeper. Jesus teaches us that it is important to be aware of the attacks the world may throw at us and be ready to question the world back. 

“simple as doves”

We can all take a lesson from the doves; the birds that fly around free, not held down by the world, but spend every day enjoying the gift of life God gave them.  Doves are not worried about possessions or money or the opinions of others.  They don’t carry suitcases around with material objects they think will make them happy.  Instead, they let each day guide them in a new direction, following the divine call where ever it may lead them.  What if we could live a life like this? Not letting anything hold us down and always being open to where the Holy Spirit may call us?

I challenge you to take five minutes and read the rest of this verse below.  Close your eyes and open your ears.  What is God saying to you as He speaks these words to you?  Is he giving you support? Is he asking you to be a witness? Is he calling you to be courageous?  

"Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and simple as doves. But beware of people, for they will hand you over to courts and scourge you in their synagogues, and you will be led before governors and kings for my sake as a witness before them and the pagans. When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say. You will be given at that moment what you are to say. For it will not be you who speak but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”

How will I spend eternity ?

Matthew 6:21

For where your treasure is, there also, will your heart be.

One of the most wondered questions is probably what Heaven will be like.  Some people say that you will spend eternity surrounded by the thing that you loved the most. I don’t know if this is true, but to me this seems like a pretty fair deal; God is going to allow you a never ending supply of whatever you placed the most focus on during life.    This got me thinking; if today the world ended and God was going to let me live forever based on what I cared the most about; what would it be?

            I don’t think I actually know the answer to this question.  I would like to be able to say right away that it was obvious that what I cared most about in this world was God and His love for me, but if I look at my daily life honestly, I don’t know if that would be the case.  Just the other day I remembered that I still needed to do my daily devotional, but I had to leave for work in ten minutes and decided I needed to curl my hair instead.  What does this say about me? For one thing, I think that this just shows how much I care about what others think of me.  I constantly worry about how I look, if I am funny, if I say the right thing, or what my reputation is; instead of spending this time in prayer or simply enjoy the way God made me.  (Even as I sit here I wonder what others will think as they read this and if they will like it.) I don’t want this to be the focus of my life, but the human side of the world constantly tries to pull me in and my sins bring me down.

        Wow, what would eternity be like if I only lived to focused on the thought of being liked by others? I would never feel peace.  It would be impossible for me to feel truly happy because I would constantly be living my life based on how someone else thinks I should act.  And if we logically think about the millions of people out there who all have their own different views, then I will never be able to have everyone’s acceptance because no matter what I do, someone will disagree.  Living under the impossible want to please everyone would cause some major stress and unhappiness for eternity; hence probably a large amount of the stress and worry that I face in this present life. 

            Now, let’s think about what eternity may be like if I spent it the way that God intended; surrounded by His love, engulfed by His love.  We would never have to worry another day in our lives.  God wants nothing but our happiness, and being God, He can make sure that nothing will take this happiness away.  In Heaven there will be no more sin, meaning there will be no more pain, no sadness, and never feeling unloved or unaccepted.  You would live your life in peace, with everything that you may ever need, because God’s love is all you need. 

            This life on earth isn’t God giving us a test to see if we love Him, its God giving us is a choice.   He wants us to love Him because we chose to return the love He gives to us; not because we are forced to or because we feel guilty.  The next time I have the choice to spend an extra fifteen minute fixing my hair or giving it up to God, I need to think about what I want the focus of my life to be and how I want to spend eternity, so that when God gives me a life of what I love most, it will be Him. 

Matthew 6:25

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 

Why can't I pray?

Beloved, Clothe yourself in humility

Something has been lacking lately.  I just didn’t know what it was.  That’s a lie, I knew exactly what has been missing; Jesus. I had been feeling separated from him; but I was trying to fill that longing with many things but Jesus. Things I don’t usually struggle with like facebook and chocolate, (I don’t hardly ever eat chocolate, I don’t even really like most chocolate), but it became the only thing I desired, but it wasn’t satisfying me. And in the end the replacements just caused me to feel worse about myself.  

It started clicking in my head that my prayer life had been suffering.  I was no longer feeling a pull towards disappearing in silence to pray and personally listen to Jesus.  I was still going to mass, saying little prayers in the morning and evening, and chatting to Jesus randomly throughout my day; often though, it was because I felt guilty and like I had to do it, so I was just squeezing it in.  I became a weight and couldn’t get off the couch, founding facebook the most interesting thing ever whenever I was planning on going to the chapel to pray.

I could tell a difference too, my relationships all seemed farther apart and things in bible study weren’t running as smoothly, I was stumbling over words and not be as prepared as I needed to be.  

I kinda realized that I needed to make a change; I was going to win my battle with the devil and was going to build back up my prayer life.  I knew I could do it as long as I put in the effort.  I could fix bible study if I would just reach out more to girls and make it more exciting.

For a little bit, things were kinda better, I stopped in to pray more and was trying to read scriptures, but I was still dragging my feet to do it, pushing back the start time, convincing myself it was okay to leave early; and I was still feeling as though something was out of place.

I didn’t understand why until today.  It finally hit me that this whole time I have been having an I am Courtney, I can do anything attitude. “I was going to win the battle; I knew I could do it.”  I was really lacking humility; I can’t do anything without God’s grace.  I needed to clothe myself in humility.  I was trying to fight these battles without him, instead of asking him to fight the battle for me. I was his beloved; he didn’t want to see me fight these battles on my own, he wanted me to realize how much I do need his help so that he could step in and take my hand.

 It was like a weight was lifted as I handed my broken prayer life back to God and asked him to fix it.  I knew that he could do anything, and that I needed him to guide me.  It was amazing, the almost instant switch; after mass I didn’t want to leave, I could have sat and prayed all night.  I felt peace and joy as I left the church.  Let’s just hope this zeal continues, and it will as long as I am putting my battles in God’s hands and not trying to fight them on my own. 

The Feast of St. Joseph

St. Joseph is not someone I often think to in depth about.  We all know he played a role in Jesus’ life, but he doesn't get much mention in, we only hear of him three times in the Bible: after the conception, the birth, and the finding in the temple.  However, we know he was the adoptive father of Jesus, a pretty important role, so we shouldn't be so quick to pass over who he is and his life.

Tuesday was the feast day of St. Joseph and we were told about a shrine to him about five minutes from where we were in St. Louis.  We figured we would check it out, expecting it to be a statue in the middle of a park, but much to our surprise, it was a gorgeous church. Looking up to a statue of St. Joseph, it really hit me how amazing of a man he was and the example that he set.   

First, let’s look at his ability to give up his own dreams for God’s plans.  I am sure he was expecting to be like any other good Jewish boy and have lots of children to pass down his name to and raise them to be good Jewish men.  But he knew God had a greater plan, even if he didn't understand it, and went with that.  He trusted the angel that God sent to him and a dream and from that day on strove to do his best in this new role God called him to.

What impresses me more about him is his humility and ability to not seek praise.  I mean his son was going around preaching as a child and of course being sinless and just a great all around kid, but he wasn’t acting like most parents and taking credit for everything his child did.  It would have been easy for Joseph to take all the praise for the holiness of Jesus, since it would appear to most people that Jesus was his son and that Joseph raised him to be such an inspiring and behaved young child.  However, Joseph knew none if it was his own doing and that it all came from God. He took no credit for the amazing son he raised.  What an example for us all, we often do great works and claim them as our own, even though we could do nothing on our own and it is all God working through us. 

Leastly, think of his faith.  He only knew the child Jesus.  He never saw any of the miracles worked or heard any of Jesus’ preaching and teachings; but yet he still put all his faith in God and knew that God would fulfill his promises and good would proceed.  What a lesson to us all; trusting so much in God to change our life plans, continuing to believe and have faith even when there are no mighty signs, and knowing that God deserves the glory behind all that we do.